Feeling lonely? You're not alone

If you have been feeling lonely, please know that you are not alone in it, and there is no shame in it whatsoever. Loneliness is something a great many older people feel at one time or another, and it can happen to absolutely anyone. It is not a sign of weakness, or of having done anything wrong. The encouraging part is that there is a lot of warmth and support out there, and a friendly voice is often closer than you think. This page is here to help.

Loneliness can happen to anyone

It is far more common than people realise, and one of the hardest things about it is how difficult it can be to admit, even to ourselves. You can feel lonely living on your own, and you can feel lonely even in a room full of people. It is not really about how many people are around you, but about whether you feel truly connected to them. So please, be gentle with yourself.

Why it can creep in as we get older

Later life can bring changes that leave us feeling more cut off than we once were. Losing a husband, wife or close friends, family living far away or busy with their own lives, retiring and missing the company that came with work, or finding it harder to get out and about because of health, mobility, giving up driving, or difficulty hearing or seeing. Recognising what lies behind the feeling can be the first small step towards easing it.

It is worth taking seriously

Loneliness is not just an unhappy feeling. Over time it can affect our sleep, our mood and even our physical health. That is exactly why it is worth reaching out rather than struggling on quietly, and why so many people and services are ready and glad to help.

Small steps that can help

There is no single answer, and what helps one person may not suit another, but small steps often make a real difference. You might pick up the phone for a chat, say hello to a neighbour, join a local group or class, or get involved in something going on in your community. Doing something you enjoy alongside other people, whether that is a lunch club, a craft group, a gentle walk or a place of worship, is a lovely way to feel connected again. Getting online can help you keep in touch with family too, and even a pet can be wonderful company. Do take it all at your own pace, and try not to mind if the first thing you try is not quite right.

A friendly voice, whenever you need one

Sometimes what helps most is simply having someone to talk to, and that is the very heart of what we do here at BrightLife. Our telephone befriending service matches you with a friendly volunteer who calls you regularly, for a proper chat and a bit of company, all from the comfort of your own home. For many people it becomes the highlight of the week, and a real reassurance to know that someone is thinking of them. If you would like that for yourself, or you are worried about someone who would, please do get in touch with us.

If you are worried about someone

If it is someone you love who seems lonely, your contact means more than you might ever realise. A regular phone call or visit, an invitation to join you for something, or a little help getting along to a group can all make a real difference. And if you cannot always be there in person, arranging a befriending service, such as ours, can be a great comfort, both to them and to you.

When loneliness affects your mood

If loneliness has left you feeling persistently low, anxious or hopeless, please do talk to someone, because that is well worth help in its own right. Your GP is a good place to start, and there is more in our guide on looking after your mental health in later life. If you ever feel you cannot cope, you can call the Samaritans on 116 123, day or night, or NHS 111 and choose the mental health option.

Where to find a friendly voice, locally and nationally

Close to home, across Chesterfield, Bolsover and North East Derbyshire:

• BrightLife, for telephone befriending and a regular friendly chat. Please do get in touch.
• The Hub, Low Pavement, Chesterfield, for community activities and groups near you.
• Your GP surgery, which can connect you with local activities through social prescribing.

Across the country:

• Independent Age, on 0800 319 6789, for free advice and regular friendly contact.
• Re-engage, which arranges social get-togethers and telephone friendship for older people.
• The Samaritans, on 116 123, at any time, if things ever feel like too much.